Roads.... Lanes..... BAM!

NO! You Guessed wrong... its actually a schematic of a 4 laned highway in Istanbul...

Notice anything wrong with it? Neither do I


The scematic is a result of short dialog between Road planner and Road building contractor, and it went something like this.

Building contractor: Are you sure? I mean it seems a little strange
Road Planner: Strange?? What are you talking about?
Building contractor: well, the road you planned has 4 lanes, right?
Road Planner: Yes
Building contractor: 2 in each direction.
Road Planner: Yes so whats the problem, can you or cant you do this?
Building contractor: I can but..... well you.... you... you put the lanes all wrong, I mean look at it... LOOK. its insane.
Road Planner: not insane, artistic. I've been planning roads for 10 years, I got bored with the same designs. Thought of trying something artistic, and as it seems it fits my art project due date at University. I submitted this design and got an A+ for it. So I decided if its good for the Academy it must be good enough for cars.
Building contractor:aww fuck it, atleast the pay is ... pay.

if Turds grew on trees they'd be named Guavas

I stubled a while ago on a blog post regarding Guava fruit. The post was praising the fruit in all its glory and marvel.

Well I have only one thing to say about that.... Its BULLCRAP , and not even the kind of crap that can be used for manure.


Lemme tell you a few facts about Guava:

* Guava - What kind of name is that for a fruit.I mean c'mmon....
* They're shaped like rotten testicles , 'Exhibit A'
* The smell - Now dont get me started on this... this crap smells worse than armpits of average plumber named Corky. And thats
before its over ripes and starts to rot. Once this 'Satan turd' reaches this final stage, it can be smelled from diffrent zip codes.
It is belived that a dozen over riped Guyava's when strategly deployed will lead immediate capitulation of midium sized country, in any type of conflict.
Alas, due to inhumanity of this approach and the difficulty to contain the spread of the Guyava fumes. World powers restrain from using or even testing this doomsday device.

* "Tommorrow you'll eat Guava for Breakfast" - Its how parents bring back the fear into their misbehaving children



I dont like this fruit, dont like it at all...

P.S M' its okay that you like those... I dont hate you... yet

Rosh Hashana Summary

Morning Fri
=======
Sleep, Drool,Dream of 4 breasted aliens, Scratch private parts,Oh whats up with this light up my face, go buy dead cows and other lesser 'meat' for BBQ, feed my face in sinners shop (AKA Tiv Taam).

Evening Fri
=========
Sleep, Bloody cellphone bzzzz'd me,curse the cell, curse in russian,combo multilingual curse involving siblings of cellphone manufacturers,Silence,crank up some music, wash face, Fooding mode ON!, neighbours join feeding, politics talk, world is stupEd, cool New Year speeches,food, early retirement of fellow table comrade - L'. Go out, Well Hello there :), no humans in the cafe - just like I like it, milkless coffee(plenty of H2O though), No wood in the shower, People invent funny words(Bonus!),Sleep.

Saturday
=========
What the Fricken? No seriosly, whats this bloody hour to wake up to? Eyesight is blurry, Think I see flying monkeys, Mental Note: Sleep is for the weak, I wouldnt mind being weak now. 5 hrs of sleep, going bike, biking, slash my arm on a tree.back, BBQ. Note to self: When operating explosive BBQ machinery read manual first (my eyebrows were magically saved, DAMN YOU B'). Good old friends came, lotsa catching up, I hate only some of them, Game Cube, Lost in disgrace, Lost again , Lost to a girl, Another dude for MAIDEN gig. Ate soo much I cant move, Home, Couching, Speed on TV,music,MSN,sleep.

Sunday
=========
Early biking with T', Got back in the shape, Didnt crash that cactus again,good, twice, hungry as fuck, write a blog post, BBQ II - The revenge, Orgy - of the good kind(no animals this time).

Monday
=========
Going to SUCK , I know it.

Addictive!!!

This is what computers were made for:Yummm

Iron Maiden & Me

Maiden! Maiden!! M-A-I-D-E-N!!!

So I just bought tickets for the Iron Maiden gig scheduled for Dec 20th, in Dublin.

Yes, I am going to Dublin mainly to see a Metal gig, I am so proud and giddy,when I think about it I touch myself.

Blog Changes

I moved the blog to new blogger.com site..

So you might see some changes in the blog, the visits counter has been reset - I had zillions before... I excpect this blog to be even more popular.. so start working Hunams.... AT ONCE.

Also I am gonna open another blog for techie only stuff.. will post info later.

Each post will now have tags related to it for easier sorting navigations.


QOTD: Tip for Life #349857:Never come home drunk with a conoe

Clerks 2

Ok I will make this one short and sweet.

Clerks 2 rules.
Go see Clerks 2.
First go see Clerks.
Go see Clerks 2.
Sleep.
Go see Clerks 2.

I loved this movie so much I wanna have bastard children with it who will become Joby clerks.

Candy,WaterMelon,Huba Buba

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Promised it will be sweet.

New Laptop - Old Idiots

Oy!,
Got me a new laptop 2 days ago, still getting used to the keyboard.
Using this post as typing practice.

Here are some specs of my new beast.

Model: Dell D820
Ram: 2GB 667MHZ
CPU: Intel T2400
Disk: 60GB 7200 (5400) RPM - More about this below
Screen: 15.4'' Widescreen
Batter: 9 Cell


Well, This is my happy new beast. I like.
Except for the disk.... Those fucks at Omnitech(lame ass Dell reseller) supplied the laptop with the wrong hard disk... What gives... arent there honest people left in the world...

I dont ask for much, I mean.... you can carry on with the wars, Have wild(but safe) relationsheeps, listen to crapy music, even kill your first born...

But there are two things that one should NEVER fuck with(and no, not even then.)

1) Bloody Marry cocktail
2) Computer specs

I love my laptop

Life Update : Part I

Oy!
Its been a while since I wrote some posts here. Lotsa shit been going on with my life lately some of which I will share here, others will be shared over beer or sex (preferably both ).

First let me get something off my right testicle.... done.

Below is a list of things and thoughts that passed through my mind lately:

Job,girls,Huba Buba(the red one),Closing my company, New Job,ughh snacky cakes,stupEd women, sex, saw 'Clerks' for 25th time, people dont change, my regular pub turned sucky,heat, heat, summer sucks, friend got married( fucking early), Rojer waters gig(Israel Hater), flat hunting, etc...

More details later.

Now check this out, my favorite quote of now.

When you're feeling down and blue and think you never accomplished anything. Just remmember, some years ago you came first of billions. That gotta count for something.

Dumb people who dont get it, report to me for reverse labotomy, and piss off my blog.

Soon

Oy!,
I've been slacking badly in blog updates, you can say I had a serios writers block(its this evil food). But luckily I am done with it.

Many updates coming soon,
In the mean time, here is a small thingy courtesy of 'M'

thingy

Water War II - The revenge.

Dont be dry.

Evill Shit!!! EvOil I tell you

Okay, I love extreme sports, simply love it. Since I discovered the extreme sports channel a while ago, it replaced the 'dead tv' time spot of MTV (MTV has only music - which sux large portions of the time, Extreme channel has music and people doing crazy stuff, sometimes dying or getting castrated. Bonus. Extreme wins!.)

A few days ago I saw this .... This dude is soo EvOil. he can single handedly kickass of moderetly sized army battalion and in the same time make it to the 22:00 movie session in local cinema(he can run, ok!). The movie s tarts as one of thosee "Darwin awards" flics, but quite quickly I realized that the fucker doesnt wanna fall and die.

check this out.

Bender was right.

I saw the writing on the wall, and it said: Bite my shiny metal ass

Sweet juicy news.... Its back , in 2008 13 more episodes.
It appears to be more than just a romour this time, multiple confirmations about a closed deal.

Here
and Here

Finaly I can stop signing the "Bring Futuram Back petition" under multiple fake names.
Phew, 4+ extra hours added to a day. Bonus.

If you dont like futurama , Get off my Blog!!! Go play with used .

Old friend

There are alot of people we meet along the way of this thing called life, some become our friends some you cant stand and want to send them gifts like these.

I hooked up with an old friend from way back this week.Was really great getting together and hanging out.Its amazing how you can, not talk with a person for a few years then after 1 minute of chat you feel like you've never parted and the conversation just flows.
What can I say some people are special, some are ok, but most are twats I forgot one more category - Polish Fucks (The member of this category reminded me of its existence) .

Cartman come home!!!

Hey Boys & Girls, a crappy thing happened to me the other day.
I came back from outing a few days ago, parked me shiny car (actually its nothing but shiny, it had so much dirt on it that one would have to use Oil drilling gear to get to the surface) in front of me house.
When I tried to drive my arse to a BBQ of Ugi(makes one wonder what kind of bbq would a coockie monster have) I was disturbed by something, I couldnt quite put my finger on it ( :) ) but it was a sense of "wait a minute... something not quite right here" tm. Eventually it hit me, me car ... not me anymore. Ze bitch left me. And took some goodies away with her, that twat.


List of Gonners
===========


1x Old Leasing Car gone -- being used for camel and arabs orgy at some remote location
1x New Leasing Car in - Its ok, old one was better. Also its white , never a good thing.
1x Mp3 player Gone - Was a bday gift from me bro. Totaly uncool, not happy.
1xRenbo PS2 - Not mine, why I had it my car you might ask. Well You never know when you might need a PS2, and I like to be ready. Renbo - Sorry , it wasnt me it was the mono testicle thief(soon to be mono-lobe).
2xRollerBlades - gone.
1xUber Cool Talking Cartman Doll - The most valuable thing in my car, this dude been with me for a few years in every car I had and work places I've been at. FUCK YOU TURDS for taking it FUCK YOU may your mothers tits rott and your dicks get taped with superglue.
1xLarge Battle Axe - Lod you know.....
1xRandom Crap - Every car must have this.


My car is the 6th car stolen in one week from my neighbourhood, JOY!
In the words of Grandma Muskuna: "Ze Lo Naim Li"

Blup

When looking for an opening image for the previos post , google was all random on me.
Out of 200+ images I got on google images when searching for "russian drunk vodka" about 196 were of drunk naked girls(bonus), one of something naked but unexplained(I fear), Yetlzin and This one.

Hmm, makes you wonder.
Damn capitalist scumm google...

Why Russians rule or How I came to cope with fear of bears

Hey,
In the evergoing quest to explore my roots of origin I came to a topic which is my personal favorite. Recriational drinking in Russian culture. So while ago I came across a russian drinking game. Being the people that practicly invented recriational drinking, Russians ought to have good drinking games.

Among the multiple types of drinking games one stood out as a glowing posture of a drunken kozak. The game is know under multiple names some of which are : "Brown bear come,Enter the Dragon,Tiger Has come"

Below is the detailed description of the game that I ripped from some place(shhhh).
Big Phat Disclaimer: The game is a russian drinking games, these people are crazy.. I am no kidding. Russian are born with 4 livers, so they have x4 livers to punish in their lifetime. Mere mortals should take this into account.

Drinking game "Brown bear has come" (Enter the Dragon).
Required Equipment:

• Thick Wooden Table - Wooden because they make a good sound when hit with dumb drunken head.
  
• ALOT of alcohol (preferably vodka)
• Money.
  
• One person who can handle LEAST liquor is a "game leader" - He remains Game lader until he passes out. After he passes out it doesnt really matter.

Game Flow

• Put on table shotglasses by number of players.
  
• Fill shotglasses with vodka.
  
• Every player puts on table agreed amount of money (say a dollar).
  
• Game leader says "Brown bear has come" (Dragon has entered), all players drink vodka from their shotglasses and hide under the table (from dragon or tiger).
• Game lader says "Brown bear has gone" (Dragon has gone).
  
• Everyone gets from under the table, puts another dollar on table and fills his glass with vodka.
  
• Then game leader says "Tiger came.. etc. etc. etc. Game leader drinks every other round.
  
• The objective of the game is to find out who will take all money from table. If you cannot get up on your feet from under the table, you lose. If you run out of Vodka, Game leader or whoever's feet are trembling the least buys more with money collected from the table.
  
• Last man standing collects all the money remaining and by default is hosting next game (buying initial supply of alcohol).

Well Thats it for now boys and girls and remmember practice makes perfect,especialy when it comes to stupidity.

DD-WRT das is goot

New version of the great DD-WRT opensource firmware for the Linksys wifi routers was released.

The firmware works on all Linksys linux based models.

Lazy/Executive summary: If you got a box that looks like this at your home, keep reading. If you dont, steal one then read it.


By using the DD-WRT firmware you can turn this little box into a powerhorse.. It can do anything, and by anything I mean even your ugly sister/mom/brother/dog.


Things it can do:

• Wep/WPA/MAC Filter/RADIUS
• Firewall
• QoS
• SSH access - w00t
• VOIP support
• SVN server
• UPNP support
• Cron
• Port triggering
• PPTP
• Dynamic DNS support (no-ip and such)
• Linking multiple Routers in a mesh
• Smb mounting
• Vlan management
• Other shit I cant remmeber.

This post sucked donkey dick.

The horror ends in 12hrs

Finaly, in 12 hours the life-sucking-brain-stupefier-castrating expirience is about to come to an end. I am talking about the shit fest called Lost. Yes that crap, the 2nd season really got to me, while during the first I was still young and naive, the 2nd season made me wanna peal of the skin of my ears.

Tonight double season finale is aired and it will finaly put an end to this series. Yes yes, some might say "Oh wait dude, there are atlest 2 more seasons left(yes the bastards signed for atleast two more). You still dont know about ." I'd tell to those good men: go and lick a cacktus, so what if it pains, there's still much more to go and it might get tasty. DIE SCUMS.

A short summary of what we had in these two seasons: 2 x Plane Crash, One Island(hot), Polar bears(on a freaking island??!?!), Predetor( or some invisible shit that likes leaves), Drugs,hot orgy(Thats when I switched lost off),boring crap(loads of it),lame lame lame, bitch bitch bitch,ughh turture,Babylon chick(ugly beast here, much better with a dinosour bone in her skull),Hot chick dead , ugly chicks added.

oh thats it, no wait... there was loads of what you-ma-call-it.... ohh yeah.. SOAP OPERA.. like zillions , there was enough soup to clean worlds oil reserver into water. They tried to mask it with shoostings and and spooky music , but its still weak and castrating.

And now for the gran finaly I get this: Lost the game or as ihatelost put it in his news page:
News:Lost Game Set to Bore and Kill us All to Death


So there.

Gotta love the brits

British car salesman with sense of humour.
LoL

I know that liver is evil and must be p'younished but why the head?

So I've been at the pharsh party, (aka Mega party post) . The party was absolutely brilliant, this party rocked my toe nails(like 4 times in a row). If you missed it, a. you suck. b. you suck even more. c. commit a suicide now and stop the bitching.



Pharsh party ingridients:

• Abdundace of freaks - Good people
• Not overcrowded - Saved me the trouble of pushing people off the roof
• Music, yes they had that too - Dont remmeber much but they've put "chase the devil" much kudos for the DJ's.
• Free, unlimited Booze - We'll get back to it later.
• Free.
  
• Cops - A must for every self respecting party. This one had em 3 times. Bonus.
• Lesbian spanking inferno - It was there, I swear. Ugh!!

I got pished extremly, its not me its the free booze, it was speaking to me... honestly!!
Since I was drunk as a fuck , I had to ditch my car. Good people dropped me off at me casa - that place looks much more interesting when u're under the influence - moving stairs, elevators going in diagonal, I felt like I am in a cube movie.

In the morning the standard post drinking ritual hit me. Room was moving around and it took 2 hands and a wall to fix my head in a place. Blackouts about the party(dont remmeber much and most of this post is filled with fragments of my imagination). All standard and expected.
Oh right, and blood on my pillow... Now in the name of rebel iguana what is that? and where did come from? as it appears, my head was rebeling against me for leaving the party. It decided to go headbanging with its soroundings, all while I was asleep.

So I am all good now, party was superb, head hates me, I hate the liver.

I hate Cats

But this one is exception.Keep em coming Nature.
P.S: Not me, and I almost never molest cats.

Mega Party!!![Israel Only]

Oy!
A Mega Party is upon us, on 18.05 there is a cool party II .
This party is from pharsh guys(see the link), and if its going to be half as good as the one they pulled last year. Damn!!!

More info on their website.

P.S its BYOB, so bring good 'B' or else... or else what? Exactly

Google's new thing: Google Trends

Google announced a new service - Google Trends. This new service allows one to see the volume of popular searches in corelation with news triggers and geographical regions.

Google Trends aims to provide insights into broad search patterns. It is based upon just a portion of our searches, and several approximations are used when computing your results.

Its quite cool actually, in this screenshot taken from GoogleTrends you can see the horniest cities on earth and the language they speak.

Output of 'sex' search in Google Trends:

Summer is weak, bring back the ice ages

Summer is upon me, I like it not. Its hot and eeecky sticky.
Why must it be, why?!?
Those tree hugging hippies keep threatening with global warming and apocalypse.

We have to stop polluting. Heal the world. Recycle. Stop eating baby seals.

I hear some scientists say that global warming will lead to new ice age - Bonus. I am for one willing to suffer more heat for a while if I am promised not to have this hotness evilness anymore - Double Bonus.

Like most things in life , climate and eco-systems are cyclic.
If we push our eco-system long enough into heating, it will reset itself ---> be cold. Good.
Mission accomplished.

Vim 7.0 Goodies

Vim 7.0 was released !!! For those not familiar with Vim here is a short explanation.

Vim is highly efficient,most flexible(yes even more than that ...) text editor. VIM is so amazing that if I was writing this blog in vim It would be declared as supreme priceless work of art.

The new version packs quite a few useful(and one bloated evilness) additions:

• Tab Support
• Drop down Completion
• HTML,ruby,Javascript extended completion
  
• Undo Branches
• Spellchecker -EVIL!! Satan submitted this patch

And so it begins

Hey, this is my first ever blog entry.I often have some insights and bitching(ranting for all of you delicate souls) about things that piss me off.

So I decided to give this blogging thing a go, we'll see how it goes.

So here are a few ground rules regarding my blog, please read them to avoid surprises later(unless you like that sort of thing {freaks}).

1. This blog will contain the following: Computer Technical posts,Geekery,Bitching about things that piss the monkeys out of me,porn - yes loads of it,Random thoughts of mine.
2. Update frequency will be in correlation with my breeding frequency of Staring frog from Southern Sri-Lanka.
3. Blup.
4. Why I do this ----> |Blog Title|
   
5. Humans are evil!!!!
6. Comments are welcome.
7. Dumb comment == smack in the face. Why? ---> |Blog Title|